Coming home to my memories

It's been many years since I stood at this door.
Somehow the house seems much smaller than before.
Where I spent my childhood, this is the place.
Old friends remember my name, but not my face.

Memories of my younger days come flooding back,
like someone had emptied the contents of a sack.
Emotions swell inside leaving tears in my eyes,
as I recall the joyous hellos and solemn good-byes.

Through this empty house my footsteps echo clear,
as I enter the room where I spent my first year.
It was here that I learned how to crawl and walk,
where I first learned how to run and to talk.

Once filled with jovial laughter this silent hall,
where I can almost hear mother's voice still call.
The rooms that are now barren, dusty, and cold,
spring forth with visions from the days of old.

I can still picture the rooms as they used to be,
during the time when I preserved it in my memory.
Occurring without conscious thought, it's automatic,
as the memories all gather like dust in the attic.

The dance...

I dance without a smile ,
because my dreams are no longer worth while.
And if you gaze at me face to face
you wouldn’t understand why hatred
is in my hearts place.

For me to be touched by anyone is just too much,
But the only touch I long for is a comforting hug.
People believe the I have a deep mind,
But its only knowledge gained with time.
Some say there's a sparkle in my eyes,
But I will tell you that the sparkles are only
tears that I cannot hide.

And to those that I dare would speak to
As soon as I turn my back they always call me a freak.
And so in the dark of night,
I try and keep my nightmares out of sight.

I’m not really all that much of a mystery,
at least thats what people tell me..
And it always seems that they want to be free
of my company.

So I dance without a smile,
Because I never remain in ones mind,
not even for a while.

Tides of peace..

In the seasons of my life,
My thoughts turn different ways.
Emotions float in with the tides,
And vanish in the haze.

In the winters cold and sad,
All my thoughts turn gray.
I cannot cry the tears within,
Or make them go away.

The sadness grows as days go by,
It never seems to end.
This season is forever long,
It gives no time to mend.

Soon enough the tides will change,
And the summer winds will blow.
They’ll take this season and it’s chill,
And change the things I know.

Now as snow turns back to rain,
I start to see blue skies.
The colours return to my sight,
As the tears fade from my eyes.

With new life around to see,
My feelings all release.
Emotions drift out with the tides,
And I return to peace.

A voice from my past...

As I lay awaiting sleep,
Forgotten memories came alive,
My life's saga lay exposed and
I was caught in the whirlpool of my past.

Many battles fought to win none,
No logic to rely on.
Many friends lost forever,
My ego, my only companion.

Became a self-made heathen,
Whose pain no battles can ease.
My own reflections denied me,
No one to own a wretch.

Lost in a land of strange past,
Where only remorse survived.
Angels lost somewhere in clouds,
No magic carpets, No genies for help.

Blinded by illusions,
Seeking an unknown world,
Realisation too late a visitor,
Seeking a light to lead me on,
Here I lie for the last train out!

Starting new...

Terrible happens but then so do miracles
You can’t have rainbows without having the rain
You have to travel through the mud to get to the grass
That’s it with the corny phrases ..
Life is for the living so I’ve been told
You also have to stand up and be tall
Never letting your chin down
Even when it feels like you want to drown
It’s not easy to do sometimes
And getting back up can take awhile
You should stand tall and never try to hide
From your mistakes you can learn
Some bridges can be fixed
Some slates can be wiped clean
And sometimes we have to start again
Then there’s some things we never lose
Things that we never know are there
Like our shadow always there beside us
People who care and people who stay
That is what I’m trying to say
So what ever happens and what ever you do
Just look down and see your shadow
And remember that there is always someone else thinking of you

Note: A very corny poem....what was I thinking when I wrote this??

Am I?

I think “ I am”
"Now and Here"
Yet, "Is it only an illusion?"
Is my lurking fear.

There are times when I'm sure
That tangible as an oak,
I stand Independent and self sufficient
Without requiring a helping hand.

At other times I feel like
A clinging vine, a paper boat,
A helpless non entity,
Not given a choice or a vote.

Now motivated and focused
So sure and strong.
Now weak and vulnerable,
So confused and wavering.

Do I have power in my hands
To steer life my way
With directions and goals
And opinions and a say?

Am I blowing in the gale
Or surfing on the tide
Or just passing through wondering
Who is powering this ride?

When my spirit breaks

The sun is hot, my body ache,
your love is cold, my spirit breaks.

Across the desert, I walk so slow.
I find the well, where emotions flow.

I take a drink, I wet my lips,
The wind is strong, I lose my grip.

Over the edge, I slip, I fall.
Through my dreams, I hear you call.

In pouring rain, I see your face,
I know it's you, I can't replace.

The river runs, I swim in tears,
My soul is deep, but full of fears.

In forests dark, in fields of green,
I look for you, you can't be seen.

I search the day, I search the night,
It's for your love, that I fight.

I walk in dreams, but I run scared,
The pain I felt, you never shared.

I can't feel, my heart is numb,
My strength is gone, I won't succumb.

The silence ends, the earth quakes,
You're too far away, my spirit breaks.